The Power Blog

So, I lie a lot.

Well, not really lies. It’s just that I have a few obligations to the offline world. And, since this blog is relatively small and new (though 20-plus comments for a post is no small feat), it ends up taking second billing in my life.

I said that I would write about the missing element from 7 Qualities post, and promised to do so a long time ago.

It’s late. Sorry. Deal with it.

In that previous post, I made mention of a quality that everyone in hypnosis/seduction/NLP believes to be the MOST important step in influence and persuasion.

In fact, everyone believes it to be the FIRST step.

Well, I’m going to tell you something that goes against the grain of what nearly everyone else out there says. Some of you guessed reasonably close to it (and ALL of those that did will get a to-be-determined bonus):

Rapport is a complete waste of time.

I know that sounds counter to what you’ve heard. It may even run counter to what you’ve experienced. So, let me explain.

It seems logical that people are more easily attracted and influenced by those that they PERCEIVE to be like-minded. That’s what rapport tries to achieve; the perception of familiarity/like-mindedness. At the very least, it’s supposed to build feelings of trust and comfort.

As I just said, it SEEMS rational that you’re more attracted to and influenced by those that you perceive as similar to you. On a certain scale, that’s very true.

But, we’re not trying to achieve that scale.

You see, it’s one thing to try and influence somebody on a minor level (the “friendship” level; where you help them decide whether they should buy that blouse in blue or red). You may feel a modest amount of success because she decided to hang out with you today instead of her boyfriend (NEWSFLASH: women don’t always want to hang out with their boyfriends. It doesn’t mean she’s into you, though). That’s the level of influence/comfort that rapport builds.

But, it’s an entirely different level of influence when she leaves said boyfriend because she like you better.

Rapport is useful for the micro scale; when you want to influence minor decisions in a person’s life, try and achieve rapport.

When you’re trying to effect serious behavioral change, profoundly alter a person’s way of thinking, rapport is a waste of time. It is NOT a necessary step.

Think about it this way; in the film world, how much rapport does Steven Spielberg require? It’s a grandiose example but, even if he was the biggest asshole on the planet, would he still get movies made?

AND, wouldn’t he get the best talent CLAMORING to work for him?

There’s a world of difference between trying to gain rapport and having others trying to gain rapport with you. In the latter, you’re at the top of the food chain.

When you try to gain rapport, you become a “fellow traveller.” You only have minor influence as a “fellow traveller.” When you strive for equal footing, you both get equal influence.

However, as an authority figure or a REACHABLE ideal (a guy she wants and doesn’t feel he’s just wishful thinking, for example), you get FAR better results. Authority and Power are far more convincing methods of persuasion than rapport could EVER hope to achieve.

Do you know the absolute best way to get somebody to buy something from you? Do you honestly think it matters if you like the guy you’re buying from? Think about it. The major “gurus” in the field of hypnosis and NLP are some of the most unlikeable guys you will ever meet. There’s so much in-fighting in the persuasion community that it seems everyone has a beef with someone else.

And yet, they teach about rapport.

Either they’re a bunch of charlatans, or they really don’t know the real reason why people believe them.

The real reason you’ll ever buy anything from me is simple: I have what you want.

All you ever have to do is convince a buyer/a woman/ANYBODY that you have what they want.

It NEVER matters if they like you or not. “Jerks” get laid far more often than nice guys, don’t they? It’s because if you have what they really want, they will rearrange their thinking so that they’ll gloss over what you don’t have (like looks or money or kindness).

Get this straight. Nobody “buying” something truly wants fast, friendly, reliable service. Fuck that. I don’t go into a Best Buy because they have friendly staffers (they don’t, anyway). I go in there because they’ve got the 72-inch plasma screen I wanted.

Besides, do you want influence, or do you want people to like you?

As an aside, I’ve now gotten to the point where I absolutely HATE when I see/feel/hear anybody trying to use the standard rapport-building skills (mirror/match/pacing) to influence me. It instantaneously builds the OPPOSITE of rapport (Further still, when I hear an embedded command used, I feel like punching the person).

Granted, I know these rapport techniques and they’re glaringly obvious to me. But, to other people, they reek of a sucking-up mentality, or something similarly off-putting.

Everybody has a different way of thinking and walking through the world; if you mimic TOO closely, it’ll be jarringly obvious. They’ll wonder: are you kissing-ass, or mocking?

It’s far better for you to be of the mindset that others have to seek approval from you, because you’ve reached a certain position of authority/power/capability. Or, simply because you’ve got enough congruence to walk through the world like you own the place (you do; NOBODY else was given any more REAL authority to walk around like they owned the place, either).

At the point where you have congruence (which is really rapport turned inward. All your parts are in rapport with each other), the need for EXTERNAL rapport is absolutely useless.

Congruence is essential. Internal rapport should be the first thing you learn in NLP training. Everything else (from embedded commands, VAK, all that crap) has to be secondary to congruence.

How do you gain congruence?

If you’re asking that question, it means you haven’t joined my mailing list yet. Stop being such a panty-waste and join the fucking list already!

Yours for more Power,
Lucas West

PS Everyone who even remotely mentioned Rapport as the missing ingredient will be getting the Bonus.